“Good morning fellow presidents how was your day so far?”John exclaimed cheerfully.
“Oh very good very good.” Huang and Mohammed replied.
“The reason why I called you to this meeting is because I want to make world peace with the help of China,Malaysia and Britain. Do you agree?” John explained.
“Great idea John.What’s your plan?”Huang replied positively.
“I don’t know I’m skeptical”, answered Mohammed as he stroked his beard.
“Why are you skeptical.”John questioned.
“Because it has been done before and not worked.” Mohammed firmly replied.
“Trust me my plan will work.”John said persuasively.
First of all Mia you have an extensive vocabulary and that makes it very fun to read your story. The figures in the picture certainly do look like presidents of various countries, and you have done such a nice job of writing the dialogue between them. And what a nice ending with just the slightest touch of drama and intrigue. And I love the aspect of them coming together to talk about world peace. Really great work all around!
ReplyDeleteDear Mia,
ReplyDeleteI LOVED this piece of AWESOME writing! I liked that you have used lots of speech that is what make your writing awesome.
I also liked that you have tried to use interrupted speech good effort! Good use of this weeks prompt!
Next time,
try and move the reporting clause at different points of the sentence (like the start, middle e.c.t) For example: Mohammed answered, “I don’t know I’m sceptical" Can you see I have put the reporting clause at the beginning? Remember ALWAYS to put your comma after the reporting clause.
Good Luck with the next 100wc!
From Imani 6D
P.S please can you visit our blog http://ribbledriveprimary.net/yearsix2015/
"World Peace"...A vision for the future!...Well done, Mia!...Loved the dialogue; how old are you again?
ReplyDeleteUsing world knowledge is effective as you don't have to explain too much. And I so want this to be actually happening. Someone who believes that impossible is made up of I'm Possible and will make us believe as well. What a future that would be.
ReplyDelete